you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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