I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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