im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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