At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
