the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
