It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
