we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
