I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
