and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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