I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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