i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
