I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
