I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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