toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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