Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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