The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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