Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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