420 ftw
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
These tits shall not be calmed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
