her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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