My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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