can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
