If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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