I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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