i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You need a sexual gate keeper
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
