she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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