Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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