My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
