Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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