call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
