As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i believe in u and ur pee
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
