Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
