Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
