I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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