My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The ass gains better be worth it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
