I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found puke in my bra..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
