end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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