Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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