best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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