i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
