you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
