Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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