Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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