tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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