Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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