You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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