I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
