My brain says no but my pants say off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
