Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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