You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
