is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
