I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
