He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
