I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
